non-essay

Well I have been assigned, in my senior english class, to write a descriptive essay. Feeling horrible with a sinus headache and the such, i almost didnt write it. I figured though, why slack off… its harder not to write it HAHA. Anyways enjoy this… clever essay.

 

I Do Not Know

 

A descriptive essay of beautiful language, scrawled across a crisp white paper. An assignment I would most like not to expend energy on. No vivid thoughts or ideas come to my mind. My bulging brain is most unruly blank. So here I sit, most uncomfortably. Pondering what I should write my essay about. The sinus headache making my head throb, my mind refuses to comply. In a most clever fashion I decide to write about what is on my mind or more clearly what is not.

Nothing. Almost absolute blankness like a snowy white out storm. Why should I write this essay, it means nothing to me. Why should I, Nate, sit and spend time tapping away at my keyboard, attempting to construct a descriptive essay? The rules of a descriptive essay are binding. The rules restricting me in the same fashion as clipping a birds most delicate wings. My most amazing skill of procrastination quickly seizes my mind. Off I run to my television. Plopping down onto the smooth worn leather couch, I turn the television on, along with my sleek white video game console. Within minutes the sounds of screeching tires and the deep roar of an engine reverberate off of my shabby white walls.

I press the small rubber start button, causing the game to pause suddenly. I turn on some music, fast paced with deep beats, my morale boosts like a rocket into space. Rapidly my fingers navigate the controller, small clicking noises accompanying the crash and grinding of cars colliding. My focus goes intently to the television; the sounds of the dinner cooking on the stove slowly fade away. I feel “in the zone” every move and action feeling absolutely perfect, as if being perfectly attuned with the rest of the universe. My pride swells, my moves become more dangerous. I fall out of attunement with the universe, my virtual car making a fatal move.

I quickly and with force shut down the game console and the television. My insides slowly seething, berating myself for being too cocky. I sit down into the uncomfortable chair in front of my computer. I stare at the vibrant screen, my mind blank, and my face throbbing from my headache. Suddenly I feel overwhelmed by rationalization. Why am I slacking off, refusing to write an essay? I slowly move the cheap mouse over the rough mouse pad, I click once and Word appears on my screen. I quickly dismiss the annoying paperclip and stare at my screen blankly. No interesting topics of adventure or wonder come to mind. What should I write about?

In the end, instead of wording a most “lame” excuse of why I did not diligently type my essay… I used what I couldn’t think of as the topic of this most verbose essay. If no ideas of grandeur could enter my mind then where did the words come from? How in a state of feeling overwhelmed and sick did I come to write such an essay? Simply by manipulating my feelings and non-thought against myself, I quickly and effectively completed my assignment. I turned absolutely nothing, into something…